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| This blog makes you only think of the negative things that have happened. I hope with this post you see the light I see inside you. You are simply an amazing girl. I'm not just saying that. I'll explain why. Any other girl would just ignore her faults. You admit to them. It takes a strong person to do so. It takes an even stronger person to try and change them. You do your best for me and honestly that's all I could ever ask from you. And honestly your best is just perfect for me. You stopped getting angry over my missteps so easily. That is a big change for you. Despite what you may think this is something big. You're slowly becoming quiet a selfless girl always thinking of her lover. I'll keep on loving you because I know you care deeply. That brings me to something else that amazes me. How much you love me and how much you care. You always think you're not good enough for me. But that is not true Leona. You're more than worthy because of the size of your heart. And I'll always say my sweetie is the best woman I've ever met because of her heart. We may argue sometimes, we may hurt each other every once in a while but I really do think we're both improving a lot. This is why I hope we can always keep loving each other and keep on going. Despite the things we may sometimes face I say we're getting much better at it. So please know I'll always love and be there for you through thick and thin. I'll always make sure you're loved. I'll always support my honey 100%. You've always made me happy which is why I always want you with me. | | |
| Well well ever heard of unconditional love? I think I have it but I'm not sure it's good thing. And obviously it's for one girl.
For one I can't really forget about her. The thought of her makes me smile. I love her but she can make my emotions fluctuate so easily because I care. I guess I should at least give reasons why I love her.
Well very simply I love her due to how she made me want to be better. I had no drive to go to college but because of her I felt I needed a better education to keep up with her and give her a good life if we ever got to that point. I started working out more and more because she did and I didn't wanna feel unfit. And I really feel she should get the best of me. I was at ease with talking to her about anything. At least that used to be the case.
Now I am really a better person then I was before I broke up with her because of her. Good or bad I took the experience and moved forward. But somethings not right.
We're friends again after a long while or so I'd like to think. But now I don't feel at ease talking to her yet I feel the need to be appreciated by her. It makes me nervous and I don't respond correctly sometimes. It's like she was able to build a wall between us without trying. And it's almost like she wants me to care about her but keeps me at arms length further confusing me.
Yet I feel despite this I can never be angry with her or hold a grudge. It's really starting to get to me. I feel nervous being in her presence. So I avoid speaking to her altogether. Yet I do want to say something but I can't think of anything. So I end up going with not talking. And when I do get around to it sometimes I feel I'll just be looked at as an annoyance and rightfully so I might as well be with the responses I get from her sometimes. And still I can't really have a real attraction to any other girl.
I don't know I'm just a stupid boy caring for some girl who wants to forget about me. I'm suppose to be her friend but I can't even follow her wishes it seems. I'll be stuck like this for a while I guess. I can't help but love her.
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| I have nothing to really say. I just know I'll never understand her. I'm not good at reading people I care a lot about. I'm really just useless when it comes to caring. I shouldn't even bother trying.
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| I love this new laptop I'm on first off it's simply awesome. All mine and no one elses as well. I can do with it as I please.
And if anyone goes through my photos you can see I have a big KR sentai collection growing. I've spent way too much already. Bah oh well hoarding money for a long time is boring compared to spending it. I used to hoard now I have a reason to spend.
Wow was my first programming test ever so easy. I also read ahead in the book on C++ so I can get my hw done quicker and concentrate on math. Which I messed up on. First test got me a 46. Definitely not good at all. I know I'll get better soon enough though.
I have loads of college stuff to do in general so I've had no time to do things like idly play like animal crossing. I wish I could though. I'm stuck with no money in that game with little house expansions. At the very least I can bother my new hamsters every once in a while and maybe repaint some figures which has become my hobby now.
With that said I really cannot wait for the break. I get to rest for a week with no school. Though I do wish this semester would end already. Only two months to go before I can rest from school and go find a job. I feel work is less stressful then school in a way. And I can finally have time to workout again because god knows I've been putting it off. I do random spurts here and there but I don't feel I have time for good long workout like I'd like to do. Hopefully I can get my arms stronger. I still feel they're rather feeble I mean I can't even do over 50 push ups. I can do almost any other workout over 300 except for arm related movements. Which just bites.
Oh well all for now. I write every once in a while out of boredem but now I'll get back to my work.
~<3Ricardo
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| I've been doing so much. I'm about 1/4 into my semester and I still screw up in math. Ugh well at the very least I won't give up on it. one 46 won't kill me. I just need to ace the next exam. I will do it. Other classes like psych, programming, and English I find easy and I'll ace them with ease. I won't give up on anything anymore. It's something I truly hate doing. If I have to fall I'll do it falling forward.
I'm feeling very good now. I'm gonna get back into my work out. I don't want my abs to go to waste. I also want some upper body strength too. Everything has a good amount of muscle except my arms. I need them to be better. It's the only thing I've been lacking. I guess it's time to find a work out for them too.
I've been working on my collection. I've gotten a lot if you look through my pics in my xanga. Leona made me want to start it now. I'll build it to my liking. I can't idle stand around to get them. I need to work on it till it's complete. It's something I've always wanted. I don't have much space in this house so for now I'll only buy figures and some mechs. But eventually I'll have everything I've ever wanted.
I also need more games but my hobby gobbles up my cash. I am planning on working this summer for next years book money, a 360, banjo kazooie, and street fighter IV. I'll buy more wii games too once they go down in price. That'll be a while but gaming isn't my main thing these days so I can wait. Animal Crossing: City folk is a fun time waster. People should try it out more it's rather entertaining.
I guess lastly I rejected my love life completely. I really do not want it at all. I only tried before because I wanted her more then anything. But now I have no real intrest in anyone. The feeling isn't the same. No one make me feel as good as it used to be. Nothing can replace that void at all. I'm fine by myself. It never really mattered much to me before. I was never one of those people who desperately wanted a girlfriend. I see no point in forcing myself into someone new so I'll leave it at that. Girls can be attractive in both looks and personality but the ones I can mesh well with are very few. Even if I could get a girl intrested rather easily if I'm not into it I find it unfair to the girl. I only try if I really want it. If not I'll leave her be.
But I'm rather fine getting back to my normal pace. I have fun, go out with friends to the movies or something else for fun whenever I feel like it, relax in the comfort of my home, and occasionally brush up on my college stuff. Of course I miss having that person around but she's happy and thats all that mattered to me in the end. To see her smile.
~<3Ricardo
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I order you to post O_o! Now!!! Do it!!!
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